Mendeleev

The founder of atomic chart
lived in old Russia under the Czar
and cut his hair but once a year
perhaps because his marriage dear
was miserable to say the least
they lived apart and did not speak.

But after many years of this
a young art student caught his list
her parents did quite disprove
of the hairy advance of this old kook
so sent their daughter off to France
but Mendeleev proposed at last.

The laws of Russia required first
seven years to grant divorce
but the scientist paid off a priest
30,000 did the deed
he was defrocked for this disgrace
but Mendeleev got what he paid.

An irate noble begged the Czar
"Grant me divorce! You did before!"

His non-rhyming reply-
"Mendeleev may have two wives,
but I only have one Mendeleev"

PS During the siege of Stalingrad, Mrs. Mendeleev 2.0 was still alive and received double rations for the work her husband did.

Metabolism

I used to think,
Metabolites
moved like a factory
from step to step
from start to done
by specialized machines.

Nothing wasted
Just because
production was so tight
with inputs in
and outputs out
with prudence and foresight.

Now I feel
that's not the case
because efficiency
is born through strife
and battles for
substrates limiting.

In my mind now
the fact'ry's gone
and all the parts are junked
the living cell's
production is
more like a big pot luck!

Bunsen Burner

Doctor Bunsen, of burner fame
Enjoyed his elements
Of all of them
Beryllium
Was his mostest favorite.

One day a fly flew in his prep
And upon his proboscis
His sample dear
A portion there
Flew away from thence.

He chased the bug around the lab
Until he had the thief
And crushed the flea
Most carefully
His science could not be beat.

He laid it in a crucible
And burned it into ash
Recovering
Most lovingly
One-tenth a milligram!

Carl Bosch Visits Montenego

There was a German chemist
who loved his fancy eats
and visiting Vienna
He ate some tender meats.

So fancy was this dinner
the bill was much adorned
with calligraphy and gilded edge
The price he prob'bly mourned.

He placed the leaf in pocket
continuing his trip
soon off to Montenegro
to try the spinach dip.

but at the border trouble brewed
no documents he had
declaring nationality
no passport! He was sad.

The guard did eye him sternly
this border would be closed
without some sort of paperwork
he thought quick on his toes.

Bosch figured Montenegroen's
German not too sharp
and handed him the bill of sale
from his viennese lamp chop.

The patrol looked over carefully
to see if it was true
impressed with the embellishments
he let the chemist through!

Abandon Hope all who enter science

Science is a funny thing
You work so hard for sights unseen
And try the test time after time
They never work, and that’s the sign
For when you have quite given up
And lost all hope, despair for sup
Is when the assay finally works
You’d think Science was a sort of Jerk!

Photosynthetic Slug

Along the eastern seaboard of our fine United States
There lives a slug who slurps algae for hunger to abate
“Not too unusual”, you say when hearing with a glance
Until you realize its evolutionary stance
For not like us they take their food and put it in their gut
They strip away the chloroplast and leave them living up
and let the organelles survive and get hit with the sun
to make them food long after the algea’s carbon is gone
You feed them with some algae for a fortnight then you wait
An entire year they will live on with no food, not a taste!
But before you think that would be cool for us this trait to share
to meet our needs we’d have to be 100 meters squared!

Willow Tree

One could argue the first to reason
Through the changing leaves of season
In a humble willow tree
Jan Helmont sought epiphany
For how a plant grows from the earth
And dirt still there, what gives the birth
To all the mass of trunk and leaf
“I’ll try out science!” t’was his belief

And so he started with ground well weighed
Sprigs of trees with no delay
And after days turned into months
Five trips around the golden sun
He separated root from clay
And measured out the soil’s decay
As well as how much bulk the plant
Had gained during its growing spat
“The soil did not give its matter
To make this willow get so fatter,
It was the water that it got
For what else could it be but not?”

With irony I’ll add right here
That CO2 gives trees their beards
And guess who first supposed that gas
Came in different kinds and flasks?
Our good friend Helmont did, its true
Let’s celebrate with no ado!